Hey Friends!
Today we are chatting something a little different than the usually niche- kinda. There have been a lot of realizations in my life and it only feels right to share them with all five of you who read this (hopefully there are more than that but we try to be humble). One of the things I have discovered is I have grown out of being as boy crazy as I was in high school and college. Time changes a lot of things and when you add on a pandemic and a huge life change like entering post-grad, people are bound to outgrow things and discover new parts of themselves. I hope this post encourages you single girlies out there (and if you are in a relationship, congrats- theres no need for you to be boy crazy anyways).
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Ever since I watched High School Musical and saw Zac Efron, token pretty boy, I lovedddddd boys- not in a creepy way duh, but I have always described myself as a flirt. In high school I love the banter, the run ins in the hallway, and overanalyzed every move my crush would make. There is something that will always be exciting about wearing a cute outfit or make up or hairstyle the same day that you had class with a boy you liked. It gives you something to look forward to, but it soon turned into how I measured myself. Does the guy think I'm smart? Does he think I am pretty? Why don't I look like the girl he is talking to? Does he like me or is he just asking me how my day was? I wouldn't say I was the most discrete player, but I had fun and filled my cup with snapchat streaks, study sessions, and half hearted compliments. At the end of the day, I talked to a lot of guys, but none turned into a relationship or even a date to Homecoming- and I don't say this for a pity party, trust me. But, it set me up for a shock in college.
Fast forward to my freshman year, I lived in an all girls dorm and didn't have any friends from high school come with me to college, let alone guys I was friends with. I would soon learn about hook up culture, not from personal experience, but from stories of the girls around me. There was a part of me who wanted just a sliver of attention other people were getting so I would flirt with people who I had no interest in, because at least it is something right? Throughout college I continued to go to most of my sorority functions by myself but learned to have fun alone and enjoy the freedom of not having to worry about another. Being at a school in the south, it felt like everyone became real adults by the time graduation came around because soon after they would be planning a wedding. Nothing stressed me out more than getting married at the age of 22- no disrespect to people who got married young, but I had never seen that before getting to school. I did have a relationship nearing the end of my college experience and felt so much joy in knowing someone was truly in love with me, but in the end I realized that I needed to prioritize the life I wanted to build for myself. That was the start to my path of realizing my value outside of boys. Now that was not the actual time the switch flipped. I recently had a lot pen pal situations where I would hold onto the idea of having someone even though it was virtually impossible for us to ever meet in real life given the fact that we are never in the same place at the same time.
Speaking from someone on the other side of the hill, it is so freeing to feel like I am single, not because I can't be with someone but because I don't need to be with someone. I am so focused on building my life, enjoying freedom for the first time, and genuinely am able to get a sense of self from myself instead of others. It didn't happen right away and having a crush will always be fun, but knowing that it is just as important for me to like the guys as it is for the guy to like me has been so refreshing. Knowing that I am beautiful, ambitious, healthy, hilarious, and independent. There is no point to waste the time you're given, so unless someone is significantly adding to my life I am fine on my own. If I could go back to my high school self, I would give her a hug and that she was put too much emphasis into people who literally were playing a game just like her- and by the way, games never work. As Serena Kerrigan says, PRIZES DON'T CHASE WINNERS. YOU ARE THE PRIZE. This is only one step in my growth as the person I want to be, but it is a pretty special one.
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Stay UNIQUE,
Sara Anne
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