Loss is such a strange word. You can lose your keys, lose a playoff game, or lose a family member. All the same word but each has a different weight to it.
There’s no way to prepare for loss. The world keeps turning, you have another day at work, and peoples expectations of you will stay relatively the same but how can you continue doing the same thing when you’re not living in the same world as you once were?
A year ago my grandmother passed away but just days before I said goodbye and I love you for the last time. There is a strange feeling saying a final goodbye to someone when they’re still there. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful that I was able to tell her I love her before it was too late. But going to work the next day knowing she was in her final moments was one of the hardest things to do.
There is already so much adjustment when first entering your post grad life- post grad while still in a pandemic no less; but the adjustment when you’re five months into your first corporate job and are working remotely so you can aid in hospice care- serving morphine in between calls, changing bedsheets on your lunch break, sleeping whenever you have a moment in between your world and theirs. Nothing in the world could have helped me adjust to that.
The thing about loss is you experience it in the moment but then you’re reminded of it everywhere in little or big ways. A song, a place, a habit, a meal, a joke, a book. You’re reminded of how complex things really are. You might be able to return to your life but it will never be the same as it was. There’s a loss in the person but there’s also a loss in the memories. Holidays feel different, cards are signed with only one name instead of two, and once a random date like June 16 will now hold more weight than you could ever imagine.
I love you so much Grandma and miss you everyday
***
Stay UNIQUE,
Sara Anne
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