Lately life has been a little funky in the ole noggin. Don't get me wrong I have been having so much fun, doing cool things, meeting new people and eating great food, but there are some days where I just feel out of it. I couldn't focus in work. I couldn't fall asleep. I just felt bleh. I couldn't figure out what was wrong!! And then it hit me- I was trying to apply the same standards of living from my last job to my new one.
For those of you who don't know, I left my first post-grad job in December. I took a month off which was the best thing in the world. I was able to reset and refresh myself, but in a way it made "returning" back to corporate life a little harder. I went a month without working on someone else's schedule. I was able to lean into my interests more. There just wasn't as much pressure to be productive. Now I am coming into a completely new role, new function of the business, with a new team and there is still a part of me that is just as anxious as I was before.
In full transparency, I let the energy and "hustle culture" of New York burn me out at my old job. I would wake up at 5am- read/ journal, then go to the gym, get ready for work and work until 7pm. I was killing myself over trying to fit in with my work colleagues and just the pressure of being " a 20 something in New York". I was tired, stressed, and constantly comparing myself- and obviously coming up short. So what about that made me feel like I had to return to that lifestyle just because I was returning to Corporate America?
Because it was all I knew.
I have been out of college for almost three two years now. I thought that my adjustment phase would have been completed by now, but in reality, I have only learned what has not worked for me. Now, I am given the opportunity to start fresh and figure out how to create a life that will work for me. A life that is balance with performing well at work, eating intuitively, managing time for things that I am passionate about, moving my body in a productive and enjoyable way, sleeping more than five hours a night and LEARNING WHEN TO GIVE MYSELF A DANG BREAK.
Your 20s are weird. We all know this- even if you don't want to admit it. It is the first time in our lives where we are not all in the same developmental stage. Some people are getting advanced education, some people are having kids, some people are traveling the world, some people are getting married and buying their first house, and some people (me) are just trying to figure out how to pay their rent on time and still have the money to go out to eat as much as she possibly can. It is ok not to be in the same place as the person next to you. It is also ok to realize a year into all of it that what you were doing was not quite "it".
I have been taking the time to relearn what I actually like outside of work and what I think I am supposed to like. Whether that means, trying different workout classes, messaging new people to get coffee, trying a new hobby, and just being ok with not crossing everything off the to do list for the day. Change and relearning things can be uncomfortable, but changing yourself for the future does not have to mean you hate who you are now. Tomorrow isn't always promised but at the same time you need to get through today.
Give yourself grace.
Learn what you need.
And show up for that person- especially if the person you were yesterday was different.
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I know this was a little bit of a brain dump, but I hope it made sense to someone reading this.
Stay UNIQUE,
Sara Anne
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