Do you ever get sad about being "poor"?
Let me explain- One of my favorite things to do is walk on Fifth Avenue on a Sunday Afternoon. Usually, I would have just finished my pretzel walk or reading in Central Park. I start with Bergdorf Goodman and immediately look at the Prada Headbands- whenever it happens, it will be my next designer purchase. I look around the handbags and the shoes and usually feel like looking around in the other stores. I start walking down fifth and window shop at Gucci, Harry Winston, Louis Vuitton, and usually land at Saks Fifth Avenue.
The handbags floor at Saks is one of my favorite places in the city. It is absolutely stunning. I make a full lap around the floor before taking one of the escalators up to the jewelry floor. Immediately I fall in love with a ring or a necklace that is almost the same price as my rent for the month. Of course. Then I try my luck looking at the women's contemporary floor. I'm filled with my favorite brands like Staud, Tanya Taylor, Alice & Olivia, 7 for all Mankind. Fall in love with a pink dress or a fun jacket, only to be let down to find out that I would not be able to afford it if I wanted to have groceries for the next two months at least. I look around the shoe floor and add another pair of shoes to my mental shopping cart and even go to the men's floors to see what clothes I would want my future boyfriend to wear ( it is my solo window shopping and I can do whatever I want).
All this to say, I leaves these stores full of appreciation and a little bit of remorse that I can't actually take part in the activity Saks was made for- shopping, like actually buying the things you like. I like to tell myself that I'm living the "Breakfast at Tiffanys" plot, but make it " Afternoons at Saks Fifth Ave". Even so, I can't help but feel deflated that I am not living the side of New York that I saw in Sex and the City and Gossip Girl. But lets face the reality of the fact that if Chuck Bass was a real person, it would be a multi-BILLIONAIRE with a B. I am nowhere near that, unless I have a secret trust fund that I'm getting as a surprise birthday present this year?!?
Even so, when I get in those slumps I start getting down on myself and begin to spiral with questions like: When will I be able to get a Balenciaga purse for myself? Why do I have to work two jobs to support myself? When will I stop getting stressed when the bill comes for a dinner out with friends? Why is the only reason I want to date is to get a free dinner because it is one less meal to pay for? How am I even going to pay for rent next year when my lease ends? How come other people get to live my dreams when I am the one who would kill for it?
Now, you can pass whatever judgement you want on my for those questions I ask myself, but it is the truth. But in all of that, I don't even give myself for being in New York in the first place. The eight grade Sara Anne would have died to know that I worked a job in fashion and lived in New York City!! The college Sara Anne would have been even more impressed that I was doing it financially independent from my parents. That is an unbelievable accomplishment.
I don't write this to flex or to boast but to remind you that you might not be exactly where you wish to be based off of the dreams you currently have, but remember the dreams you used to have. In a world where we are constantly looking for the next thing, be sure to appreciate the right now. I know that I am trying to focus on it more and also remember OTHER PEOPLE'S SUCCESSES DO NOT TAKE AWAY FROM YOURS! You can coexist with another successful person without being deemed a failure.
I am 23- almost 24, but I have so much time to get myself a Prada Headband or LoveShackFancy Dress. I will reach my level of financial security and professional success, but I can also enjoy the simplicity of what my life is now. Just because you don't think you have come as far as you wish you could be, doesn't mean you haven't made it far at all!
***
Stay UNIQUE,
Sara Anne
No comments:
Post a Comment