Hello Friends!
I wanted to do a special post; something a little different. A recap if you will. So I am obviously single, in case any of you were wondering, and like many single people, I have been around on the dating apps- specifically Hinge (I always loved the prompts that it gave you). However, I was getting a little bored and frustrated with concept of it all- just mindlessly swiping in hopes for validation from a stranger. I was watching a Brooke Miccio vlog in the beginning of December and she mentioned she was doing "Ditch the Dating Apps December". A month where we would just turn off the app and stop trying to fill a stupid void to start focusing on ourselves and closing out the year. A light bulb went off in my head and I decided I would take part in this challenge.
Back tracking a little. I have always been hung up on the idea of finding validation in what others think of me (especially boys). This leads to mindless scrolling on social media and dating apps. A little pathetic when you say it out loud, I am sure but we have all been there. What I have noticed with dating apps is you might match with someone after swiping left for hours because you're not actually interested in these people. You'll have a mediocre conversation with the person for like 20 mins (if that) and then you won't even meet up because deep down you know that you are not actually looking for anything. It is just a temporary distraction from your day-to-day life in quarantine. Again, I know this sounds sad, but it is the entire reason for doing this. For me, dating apps contribute virtually nothing productive to my life because deep down I know that I am not really in the mood for a relationship. Also living at home I see a lot of people from my high school and that is just not it for me. I know things can work out for people, I was just finding myself in a rut of temporary validation from others when I should be finding validation within myself.
Moving on, I decided in the beginning of December that I would inactivate my profiles on the dating apps and turn off my notifications. I have always been the type of person to say I am going to "swear off boys" for a period of time and then, later on, I will find myself getting super hung up on someone and get distracted by everything I tried to avoid. This time was different. I wanted to seriously commit t and honestly, I was not expecting that much of a change when I was first doing it but looking back it was probably one of the best decisions I made ending off a dumpster fire of a year.
Over the course of December I decided to focus on myself and doing things that made me happy and healthy and feeling beautiful. I made sure that I became the source of my own validation. That it really does not matter what other people think about me because if I am not happy with myself- any relationship will be doomed. There were times over the month where I would get bored and want to just see what was out there but then I reminded myself that if the only reason I was going on my phone was because I had nothing else to do, that is just not fair to anyone I might come into contact with. How would you like it if some just started talking to you as a means of entertainment and not because they actually were interested? (You have to think about the things you are doing in another perspective). Towards the end of the month I truly started to enjoy my singleness instead of constantly feel the need to find someone to fix it. I grew in confidence because I became the source of how I was seen by others and not other people. I began appreciating time alone with myself and prioritizing my goals. And- the best part- I didn't even feel the need to go on the dating apps at all by the end of the month.
It sounds like a very cheesy ending, but I have so much in my life to look forward to and I love that nothing about those things has to do with other people. They are all things that I did for myself, by myself and the ownership I can take is a feeling that no passing compliment will ever be able to give me. When you think about you best friend, you don't love them because they are in a relationship or not. You love them because they are supportive and kind and funny and will hold you accountable. The quality of a person and their relationship status are mutually exclusive. If you feel like you are in the same rut, I recommend just trying it out because you will seriously get a whole new clarity on your goals for the near future and odds are none of them will be relationship based.
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Stay UNIQUE,
Sara Pollin
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